Here’s a quick little true love quiz you can give to teens that can lead to a discussion about each of the items, or a little talk on what they think about love, dating, and sex. Try the quiz yourself and read through some replies that I have for each.
TRUE OR FALSE
- T F love at first sight occurs between some people.
- T F it’s easy to distinguish real love from infatuation.
- T F people who sincerely love each other will not argue and fight.
- T F God selects one particular person for each of us to marry, and He will guide us together.
- T F love should be spontaneous. Thinking about it too much will cause you to miss out on the love of your life.
- T F it’s better to marry the wrong person than to remain single throughout life.
- T F it’s not harmful or sinful to have sexual intercourse before marriage if the couple has a loving relationship
- T F the best way for a couple to know if they are compatible is to move in together before they get engaged.
- T F as long as you don’t have intercourse you aren’t doing anything wrong in God’s eyes.
- T F over 80% of teenagers 15-19 have had sex at least once.
If you didn’t guess already, I believe all of the above are false. Without writing a whole book, here are some quick reasons why. Maybe you can share these with your students…
- Love at first sight occurs between some people.
The idea is that we fall in love. It is more wise to ‘grow in love.’ Its sounds creepy to see a couple post that they are marrying their best friend but that is the way it should be. If this person is not your best friend, find someone else! Love is based on more than attraction. It is based on caring and friendship.
- It’s easy to distinguish real love from infatuation.
Studies show that we can’t do that. They both feel the same way. Sorting out why you want to be with this person is really important. There is no way to rule out the attraction. There is no way to rule out what you hope to get out of the relationship but it has to go beyond that. You have to be willing to care for the other persons’ needs.
- People who sincerely love each other will not argue and fight.
The emotion of love is different than the covenant to love. People feel they are no longer in love because the emotions are not the same anymore and have become confused. There is a difference between romance and love. Disagreements will happen. Couples who last have learned how to fight fair and do not use damaging words or tactics.
- God selects one particular person for each of us to marry, and He will guide us together.
That isn’t how it seemed to be in the Bible. We see some very loving marriages where it is clear the man chose the woman. God blesses the union but he doesn’t seem to do the selection. A choice for a partner should involve mutual attraction, compassion, and compatibility. If you think the first one you meet is the only one you will ever meet, there is a danger that you can go too fast too soon or remain in a relationship that is not healthy for either of you.
- Love needs to be spontaneous. Thinking about it too much will cause you to miss out on the love of your life.
A lot of TV shows and movies depict couples kissing or having sex and then making sense of it afterwards. The Bible is a strong supporter of reason, even in matters of love. Couples are wise to get to know each other as friends and should figure out over time if they should date. In the dating life spontaneity can be dangerous also. It is crucial that the couple has a clear agreement on boundaries concerning physical affection. This requires communication and reason.
- It’s better to marry the wrong person than to remain single throughout life.
Have you heard that misery loves company? I think most of us love company. About half of teens have seen parents with someone who seems to be the wrong person. Are they happy? Often people who divorce feel that their partner was that wrong person or that the right person changed to become the wrong person. Either way, waiting to meet the right person is much wiser than being in a terrible marriage.
7. It’s not harmful or sinful to have sexual intercourse before marriage if the couple has a loving relationship.
Many people feel that God is most concerned that a couple loves each other. They think that He is not concerned about a piece of paper. Jesus made a distinction with the woman at the well who had had five husbands and the man she was now living with was not her husband. It is a different category. God created marriage for the sake of the couple and for the sake of the children. It is an example of his commitment to us. It really matters.
- The best way for a couple to know if they are compatible is to move in together before they get engaged.
This is a really popular idea with about 85% of couples doing this at some time. But is it right? Not really. The statistics for their marriages surviving are not better than for those who did not move in together. The logic is that a couple needs to know if they are sexually compatible and can live with each other first before getting married. Christian couples seeking God’s blessing should wait. Disobedience to God’s standards is a poor foundation for a marriage or a society.
- As long as you don’t have intercourse you aren’t doing anything wrong in God’s eyes.
This is the view that God has only one standard and that is, “you can’t go all the way.” The danger with this is it leaves room for every other sexual practice. This level of sexual intimacy should be reserved for marriage. Outside of marriage these would be categorized as sexual immorality. (see 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God)
10. Over 80% of teenagers 15-19 have had sex at least once.
Wrong again. Most American and Canadian statistics for 15-19 year olds have the number under 60% So, while some Christian kids may think that they are the only ones not doing it, there are many other students who are not sexually active.
Get the Conversation Going
I hope that you may be able to use this little quiz with students some time, but most of all it is good that your students develop godly standards in this area for themselves. It is also helpful for them to know that you are open to talking with them about love, dating and sex.